Mother’s Day — a day for the greatest moms our children ever had — has some interesting origins. In ancient Greece, this holiday was celebrated in honor of Rhea, the mother of the gods. The mother goddess Cybele was the honoree in Rome; the goddess Brigid captivated the British Isles and Celtic Europe, and in the U.S. of A., Roseanne Barr won thumbs down as our very own “domestic goddess.”

As far back as 1872, all us moms have ever wanted is a little peace and quiet on Mother’s Day and not having to foot the bill for flowers, gifts or brunch — much like Julia Ward Howe. After writing the words to the “Battle Hymn of the Republic,” she went around promoting the idea of a “Mother’s Day for Peace” movement which was celebrated for a number of years until she pulled the plug on paying for them.

Anna Jarvis started the carnation tradition at the first Mother's Day celebration ‘cause those were mother’s favorite. Yet, she was emphatically opposed to the florist industry exploiting this holiday by selling flowers — so how were they supposed to get the carnations? All her protests were to no avail anyway, since even today, Mother’s Day remains one of the best sales days for florists in the U.S.

As most of us know, most mothers still consider Mother’s Day a grand occasion. It’s the one-day in the year when Mothers everywhere, young or old, get the royal treatment.

• Most moms don’t usually cook on Mother’s Day. They usually sit around for hours waiting for a table at their kids’ favorite restaurant.

• Most moms aren’t expected to wash dishes, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, take out the garbage, pick up the dog poop, or clean the toilets on Mother’s Day. Our kiddies thoughtfully save all those chores for us to do the next day.

• Most moms love getting fussed over — like getting breakfast in bed, their shoes shined, their dogs fed, and the morning paper brought to them with the comics still intact.

• Most moms don’t fret too much if all this attention means waking up earlier than usual by all that commotion in the kitchen; or the kids using every pot and pan in the house to fix a three minute egg, or having to eat toast burned to a crisp, or if the kiddies get shoe polish all over themselves and the floor (remember they kept the newspaper intact), or give the dogs the wieners that were stashed away for lunch and we certainly can’t complain about them cluttering up the dining room table with sticky glue, scissors and tiny bits of paper that takes weeks to remove.

• Most moms have learned to be patient, understanding, gracious and eternally grateful Mother’s Day only comes once a year!

Most moms get a thrill in receiving those cute, amusing cards their kids make for them with those clever little sayings that tug at their heartstrings. A keeper for me was the one my kids gave me eons ago that bore the message in their scrawny handwriting: “To the greatest mom we ever had!” It was such a touching sentiment, considering I’m the only mom they ever had, and they were stuck with me.

Stored in the same shoebox, with countless other treasures, is another card that’s also become a classic. On the front of the card, one of my sons drew a picture of a funny looking kid (self portrait, I think), and on the inside he scribbled, “I was going to buy you a card for Mother’s Day, but this was cheaper!” Aha, I proudly pointed out to his father, our grownup son had finally heeded our advice — a penny saved, is a penny earned. His father, however, being the wise old gent that he is, simply raised an eyebrow and gave me that “he’s broke again” look.

And the best part is the aftermath. Isn’t it grand when we can all sit around after Brunch and yak a while before our daughters grab their husbands and the doggie bags we brought home from the restaurant; and our younger sons don their best dancing shoes for another disco night out on the town; and our older sons hit us up for a $10 loan we’ll never see again.

Sure it is, because before they leave, they’re sure to give us a big hug, flash their million dollar smiles (that made our orthodontists rich), and whisper lovingly as only they can, “Gosh, you’re the greatest mom we ever had.” And as we stand on the porch waving goodbye, we can’t help but think we’ll be doing this all over again very soon — when the old man gets his turn in June and I get to sleep in. Now, isn’t that grand?

Well, April Fool’s Day came and went without incident at our home. The only prankster to show up was my sister who fooled me into believing I had a flat tire…so then I fooled my granddaughter’s boyfriend into believing he’d have to change it...and then he fooled my 14 year old grandson into believing he’d have to help him... and then he fooled my granddaughter into believing we were never going to get to where we were going on time. Needless to say, we all had a good laugh as we jumped into the van and went on our merry way.

My sister is just one of hundreds of April Fool pranksters who come out of the woodwork each year to prove there’s no fool like an April fool. They enjoy challenging Abe Lincoln’s pearls of wisdom in their attempt to fool some of the people all of the time, can cleverly fool all of the people some of the time, but still try their darnedest to fool all of the people all of the time.

Of course, the trick to avoid becoming an April Fool is not to be fooled at all, which is not an easy task. After all, there is a little prankster in all of us and the temptation to play a joke on someone is sometimes just too great to resist. You must admit putting something over on someone and getting away with it can be very amusing. It adds a little extra spice to our lives, brings a smile to our lips and a whole lot of hearty laughter to the masses.

So, for all of you April Fool victims out there, I have prepared some helpful hints for you to follow in order to protect yourselves from your cuckoo friends who just might have a trick or two up their sleeves reserved for next year’s April Fool’s Day. Now pay close attention, or you just might end up becoming next year’s biggest simpleton.

If you should receive a phone call from Ed McMahon informing you that you’ve just won the million dollar sweepstakes…hang up. It’s probably your neighbor down the street having a bit of fun.

If by chance you should receive a beautiful bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer…watch out it'll probably show up on your next Visa statement.

If your boss tells you he’s giving you a raise…beware! He probably means he’s raising your workload.

If your husband tells you that you snore, don’t be a fool, and take his word for it...stay up, and listen for yourself!

If you’re a middle-aged or slightly older male and some young pretty sweet thing winks at you and gives you that come-hither look, shine it off. Remember, there’s no fool like an old fool.

If your kids offer to mow the lawn, walk the dogs or wash the dishes, give them the evil eye. If they’re not fooling, they probably want something.

If the weatherman predicts sunshine…grab your umbrella.

And, if you should suddenly get the urge to play a prank on someone — go ahead and indulge yourself. After all, fools deserve some fun too.

Now, if any of you have taken any of this advice seriously, I have only one thing to say to you…APRIL FOOL!

Copyright © 2006 Irma La Bomba. All Rights Reserved.

During President Reagan's second term, two of his top aides informed him they had swapped jobs. The campaign slogan, "Four More Years!" must have made them cringe every time they heard it considering how bored they were with their jobs. And, who could blame them. It must have been awfully boring for the Secretary of the Treasury to find himself sitting in his counting room another four years counting all the deficits. And, considering all the other top appointees who resigned, the White House Chief of Staff must have been devastated to think of all the new people he was gonna have to train all over again. But all this gave me something to think about -- could job swapping become a new trend in America that might take the tedium and boredom out of our doldrum lives?

At the time, I seriously thought there might be something to all this political shuffle going on in the White House and wondered how I could use it to my advantage. Taking into consideration that I had been performing the same household chores for some 25 years while my hubby sat glued to the television set enjoying his beers, I certainly wasn't looking for 25 more years of the same thing. So, I informed him that we were swapping jobs.

I would take on the responsibility of taking out the garbage and he could take on my KP duties. I thought it was a smart move on my part. All I'd have to do is take out the garbage once a week, while he got to cook dinner, wash the dishes and pick up the dog poop every night. Needless to say, he wasn't too receptive to my idea as he took a swig of beer and belched.

But, what the hey. Reagan's top officials didn't ask him if they could swap jobs, they just did it. So, why couldn't I? Besides my husband had absolutely no defense to my argument. But he did show some spunk as he sputtered in no uncertain terms that it was the most absurd, ridiculous, asinine idea I'd ever come up with. And, I'm not even a Republican!

"But think of all the possibilities," I argued. "Just think how much more exciting office politics would be if suddenly everyone who was bored with their job swapped it for one they thought was more interesting. Loan managers could switch jobs with bank tellers, executives could switch jobs with their secretaries (who really run the show anyway), football players could switch jobs with the cheerleaders, politicians could switch jobs with actors, parents could switch jobs with their kids and mothers-in-law could swap their daughters-in-law. The possibilities are endless!"

He rolled his eyes, mumbled something unmentionable under his breath and shuffled off to bed. I threw my arms up in exasperation. Honestly, that man showed absolutely no imagination. I picked up his empty beer cans, turned off the TV and wondered which one of my friends would like to swap their husband. How about you? Have you got a job (or spouse) you'd like to swap?

Copyright © 2006 IrmaLaBomba. All Rights Reserved.

Now that we're a few months into the New Year, it's time to take stock of all those resolutions we made when we were a little tipsy and pictured that weary, whiskered Old Man Time slipping into obscurity as we looked forward to starting life anew.

Many of us even go so far as to make resolutions that we hope will correct some faults or bad habits we might, pray tell, admit to having. And while it may be easy to make a few resolutions or even admit to having a few faults -- after all, no one's perfect -- it does take a lot of self-determination to take the bull by the horns and keep those well-intended (but not always well thought out) resolutions. Especially if you're hung over from your New Year 's Eve party and the two heads you're wearing won't stop spinning long enough to help you remember that this time last year you vowed never to indulge in such good spirited fun again.

It's no coincidence you know that January was thus named. The Romans obviously gave it a lot of thought when they named this month in honor of their sun god, Janus. In Roman mythology, this two-faced god looked in opposite directions. Much like we do each New Year's Day after a night out on the town. Janus had one face that looked into the past and another that looked into the future. Thus, to the Romans, he symbolized a god of new beginnings.

In time, the custom of searching for new beginnings spread to other parts of the world. In England, people went as far as cleaning their chimneys on New Year's Day believing that it would bring them good luck during the coming year. It was their way of "cleaning the slate.” Of course, if you don't have a chimney to clean on New Year's Day, you could always clean out your garage.

The ancient Persians gave eggs to their friends on New Year's Day. Since eggs hatch into life, this custom meant much the same thing as "turning over a new leaf.” At our house on New Year's Day, "turning over a new leaf,” means stirring the Bloody Marys with a celery stalk. Of course, if you feel a little foolish about giving your friends an egg or two, you could introduce them to a few new chicks. Or you could be a Good Samaritan and go door-to-door offering your neighbors raw egg toddies with which to soothe their New Year's hangovers.

I've given my New Year's resolutions a lot of thought this year and I've decided that come rain or come shine, I'm not letting one of them go by the wayside. No sirree, no more Mrs. Nice Guy! From now on, I mean business.

Last year, I made a resolution to go on a diet, and I did. I will admit that every diet I tried made me a better person, but unfortunately, a bigger person too. I attribute this failure to the see-food-will-eat syndrome I have developed over a lifetime. But this year, I will not only go on a diet, or two, or three, but I'm firmly determined that history won't repeat itself, and I'll get rid of all this "baby fat" I've acquired in my second childhood.

This year, I also resolve not to complain when my husband comes home late for dinner. I just won't cook anymore. And, I promise not to get upset when my spouse spends entire weekends glued to the television set watching football. In fact, I have two solutions to resolving this age-old problem. I'll either give the TV to the Salvation Army or forget to pay the electric bill.

My two sons will also be benefactors of my New Year resolutions. I will no longer nag them to clean their rooms. I'll simply get them a whole year's supply of Raid.

And, if all else fails, I'll move to Rome where being two-faced is looked upon with honor.

Think it's too early to start thinking about Valentine's Day? Think again -- stores already had them stocked on their shelves before we even had a chance to open our Christmas presents. So, I'm just going along with the tide.

Valentine's Day brings back wonderful memories of when I was a kid and could hardly wait to go to school where my schoolmates and I were sure to get a valentine from that funny looking kid we had a crush on. I remember it as the Great Valentine Exchange. We all skipped home with at least 35 nonsensical heart-shaped messages, all neatly printed in everyone's best penmanship.

I also remember the castor oil and alka seltzer that awaited us at home to relieve the tummy aches we had gotten from all those red and white frosted cupcakes and cookies we have foolishly devoured. But it was a small price to pay for all the fun we had on this very special day.

Valentine's Day has always been kind of special for me, so one year I decided I'd make up my own special Valentine messages to send my friends, loved ones and the guy at the top who signed my paycheck. To my boss, I wrote: "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Be a Sweetheart, and give me that raise that's long overdue!"

To which he promptly replied: "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I'll give you a raise when I get some work out of you."

Well, so much for that. Where's Cupid when you really need him anyway? That little mischievous, naked son of Venus has been going around for centuries armed with his bows and magic arrows dispensing love and charity from heart to heart, and this time he misses -- big time. A fine time to run out of those magic arrows. Well, what else can one expect from the mythical son of a mythical goddess of love.

Cupid sure did an ambitious lady a good turn back in the 1840s though. It's no accident, you know, that our valentines are decorated with hearts and cupids. She immortalized this little pudgy cherub years ago when she decided to make a few bucks and came up with the first commercial valentine greeting card in the U.S. Today, we not only send our loved ones cards expressing our undying affection, but we also send flowers, candy, jewelry, pen and pencil sets and even gaudy underwear appropriately decorated with cupids and red and white hearts, all in the name of love.

If you're wondering how this greeting card got its name in the first place -- it's elementary my dear Cupid. Many years ago -- make that several hundred years ago -- February 14th was celebrated in Rome, Italy as the feast day honoring two saints named Valentine. Consequently, when people began sending each other messages of love and affection on that day, these messages were eventually dubbed -- you guessed it -- a "Valentine."

Well, so much for this Valentine history lesson. There are a thousand stories in the legends and myths of where gods and goddesses come from that continually seem to affect our modern day lives -- and pocketbook -- in one way or another. This has only been one of them.

Just think how dull and ordinary February 14th would be if we didn't have a reason to celebrate the Valentine Exchange. How many will you get?